I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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