in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need a beard to bite.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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