piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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