No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize