He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
