i jhust puked up my retainher.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
