i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
