Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
