please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize