My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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