So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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