I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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