Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
