after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
