At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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