Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
