she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
