She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
