I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
