Just fell off a train. Bad.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
