I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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