Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
