you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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