he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
