Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
