you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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