Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize