i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
