Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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