I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
