I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Mom said you looked used
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
