Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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