Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
