it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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