just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize