Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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