I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
