This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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