billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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