got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
