omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
