a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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