i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
