dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
