I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
well you can't waste a boner
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
