Duck Duck Cougar?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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