I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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