if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
