You really coming over, don't trick.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
