I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
