im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
