and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
