"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
