I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
