Need sex. Gaining weight.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
These tits shall not be calmed
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
