I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
