Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
