someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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