yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
