I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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