All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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