Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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