I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
