if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
