just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
