I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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