I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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